Who is Amit?

It was a foggy early morning when I reached the Lajpat Nagar bus stop to catch the 7 am bus to my office. My working hours began from 8 am. This was the first stop from where the bus picked up everyone. Till South-Ex, the bus was virtually vacant, with only three or four passengers.

Stuti, my colleague and my friend, used to travel with me. Stuti and I had been working together for the past 2 years. I was in love with her but I did not have the courage to tell her how I felt. While leaving home that morning, I had decided to talk to her about it. I hadn’t slept the whole night planning, canceling and planning again how I would go about it. 

I looked at my watch, there was hardly any time left for the bus to leave and there was still no sign of Stuti. She was never late. I was cursing my fate under my breath. And then, she came. I thanked God in the next breath. That day, she was wearing a black dress with little red flowers on the hemline.

“Hey, Sumit!” she smiled, settling in the vacant seat next to me.

The bus started with a jolt and the engine groaned as the driver shifted the gears.
We both laughed.
This was so easy, being friends.

“Hey!” I grinned at her.

“Flowers?” she exclaimed touching the bunch in my hands, “For whom?” she enquired.
“For you,” I said hesitatingly and offered them to her.
“For me? What’s so special today?” she asked.

Girls try to fool boys by asking rhetorical questions but pretending that those are actual questions to which they want an answer.

“A poor little boy was selling them at a traffic signal that I crossed. I was moved and bought them.” I laughed at my own silly joke.
“Oh! Samaaj sevaa mein lage ho aajkal?” she giggled.

“Very funny.” I rolled my eyes.

“Okay, now tell me. Why have you got flowers for me?” she demanded solemnly.

“Er... um...” I stalled, while she looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

I turned my face and looked outside. Everything was so calm, so serene.
Everything, except my mind. Thousands of thoughts ran uncontrollably. How would she react? What if she says no? What would be the name of our kids if she said yes? What if stops talking to me altogether?I shuddered at the last thought.

“Are you alright? Are you cold?” she questioned, concerned, “Why don’t you just close the damned window?” she grumbled and fidgeted with the old glass, puffing and sliding it with all her strength.
Her sudden proximity sent me into a frenzy. My mind and my heart shut down. I closed my eyes, taking in the sweet fragrance of her hair.

“Helloooooo!” Stuti said in a sing-song voice and I came back to my senses.
“Something wrong?” she asked again.

“Uh, no...” I tried to get a grip on myself.

“So, um, you were supposed to tell me something.” she said authoritatively.
“Uh, yeah... I was saying that, er, it’s been long that we’ve been together, er, sorry, I mean working together.” I started blabbering. I had always sucked at expressing feelings.
“Hmm... It’s been two years, two years and four months and well, seventeen days to be precise.” she continued in the same vein, probably to humor me, but the fact that she knew the precise duration astonished me.

I wondered if she had some feelings for me. Somehow, I felt encouraged.

“Listen, I do not want to hurt you, I do not want you to, you know, take this the wrong way. Do not misunderstand me but, I’ve been thinking about you a lot, lately.” I said, the words all rushed. She probably did not understand a word.

She stared at me for a few seconds, possibly comprehending my retarded reply.
“Even I think about you, you are my best friend.” She said simply and smiled as though that had settled everything.

“Er, I did not mean it that way.” I began.
“Oh?” she said, her perfect lips in the shape of an ‘O’.

“I mean,” I took a deep breath, “I mean, I am in love with you, Stuti.”

“Oh.” she said again, but the tone was changed and her forehead wrinkled as she went into her thinking mode.

 My heart sank. She did not speak for a few minutes and I did not dare to open my mouth. I chanced furtive glances at her but there was no change in her expression.

There you go. You’ve done permanent damage. She is not going to talk to you ever again. My inner voice said angrily.

“Listen, Sumit,” she started after a killing silence of four minutes, “I don’t know how or why I did not tell you but, the thing is, I got engaged.”
“Oh.” was all what I too could manage.

She was quiet then. I knew she must’ve heard the disappointment in my ‘oh’. She was good at observing such things. I could not bear the silence.

“Er, engaged to whom?” I asked.
“Amit.” She informed.
“Alright. No problem.” I said giving her a small smile.

“No problem? Are you sure?” she asked, apprehensive.
“Positive.” I smiled some more to make her feel better.

She then went on to give me details, but I wasn’t listening any longer. I was out of her life. Actually, I had never been in her life, not the way she was in mine, at least. The future that I had dreamt was shattered.

“And, I am not gonna listen to any excuses, okay?” she smiled.

I looked at her, utterly perplexed. I had not paid even the slightest attention and I did not have the faintest idea what she was saying or even why she was saying whatever she was saying.

“Sorry, what did you just say?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes.

“I said it’s my wedding next month and you’ve to be there. You are the first person I am inviting.” she gave a brilliant smile.

“Sure, yeh bhi koi kehne ki baat hai?” I said to pacify her.

I gave her one last fake smile put my head against the window pane and closed my eyes.

“Hey, Sumit?” I heard her call out again after a few moments.
“Hmm?”

But she did not speak. Instead, she was shaking me by my shoulders.
My eyes flew open. “Wha-!?” I looked around, confused.

Stuti was the one who had been shaking me.

“But who is Amit?” I demanded in a croaky voice.

She was smiling, like always.
“Sorry?” she asked.

It was then I noticed that she was wearing a BEIGE dress and that the flowers were still in my hand. I had slept waiting for her.

“You had dozed off, Sumit.” she giggled.
I smiled and then laughed, more out of relief than embarrassment. 

First love :)

18 June 2006:

It was a Sunday. I had come back from my weekly cricket tournament. My younger brother, Dheeraj, was watching his favorite epic, Mahabharata, along with my dad. Dheeraj signaled me with a gesture of eyes and neck to inform me that Dad was furious because of my below- average internal exam results. I ignored him.

“Mummy! Can I have something to eat? I’m starving.” I called out while throwing my shoes and socks on the floor. 

“Yes! Prince Charles has come. Give him some royal breakfast. See how much he works,” dad said in a voice dripping with sarcasm

“Please do not start now. Let him eat something.” mom intervened.

“Yeh tumhaare laad- pyaar ka hi nateeja hai.” he muttered.

This was a daily scene at my home. I rolled my eyes and went into my room.

I turned on my desktop computer while thinking about whatever dad had said. After mindlessly surfing a few porn sites, I thought of chitchatting in the Yahoo Chat rooms.

Back then, Yahoo chat rooms were famous for helping guys in hooking up with girls.

I clicked on the ‘Delhi-24’chatroom. As usual, I said “hi” to every girl from Sonia to Pooja to Kavita and as usual I never got a reply. I cursed them for not responding.

Stupid girls. What’s the point of being here when you do not want to chat? I thought to myself.

I got up and went into the kitchen to get something to eat.

It being a hot summer afternoon, my mom, dad and brother were taking a nap in their respective rooms. I stuffed myself and brought a bag of chips to my room.

When I sat before my PC again, to my surprise, I found that a girl named “Kiran

Sahni” had sent me an instant message, “Hey! ASL?”

ASL was the much-in-vogue acronym for Age, Sex and Location.

“Hey! 18/M/Jaipur. And, you?” I replied quickly.

“18/F/Delhi.” She typed back.

I did not belong to Jaipur, it was just a statement to make an impression on a

Metropolitan girl that I too belonged to a metropolitan city.

“My name is Kiran. And you?” She asked. “I’m Jatin.” I replied.

“Hi Jatin,” she wrote back, “Glad to meet you. I’m new here and want to make some good friends.”

I smiled to myself, forgetting dad’s taunts.

Without thinking much, I quickly professed, “I’ll be your friend.”

We chatted for more than 2 hours discussing what we were presently doing, what our future plans were and the like.

“Oh! My mom is here. I have to rush. See you tomorrow. Same time. Bye.” It was her last message and she went offline.

She didn’t give me a chance to say goodbye to her. But I was happy because it was the first time that a girl had that long a chat with me. Unlike my schoolgirls, she was interesting, funny (and beautiful I hoped).

The next day, I was online even before the clock struck 3. I was waiting for her, feeling restless and continually glancing at the clock. I was not interested in anything else. The last time I had checked the clock, it had been 3:25 pm. I was losing hope. It was 3:30 pm when a message finally flashed on my screen, “Hey! I’m back.” It was she and I felt my lips curve into a smile.

                                                                     *****

20 July 2006:

My school had re-opened. It was for a month now that I had been regularly talking to Kiran. We had shared many secrets including my virginity, the off and on conflicts with my dad and so on. She had told me about her life in Delhi, how the guys viewed her, her passions, her desires, her crushes, her friends, etc.

“Why can’t all the guys be more like you, Jatin? :(” It was a rhetorical question and it flattered me.

“Really, you are a good guy and I can consider you my best friend. :)” she continued.

Great, now I can ask her to my girlfriend, the desperation in me said.

“I wanted to ask you something...” I wrote. “Sure, go ahead.” “Um. I don’t know how you’d take it, but...” I continued. 

“What is it, Jatin?” “Um...” “Don’t be shy. Tell me.” She urged.

“Okay. But promise that you won’t mind?” I requested.

“I won’t. Now tell me.”

“Um... I was wondering if we could you know, chat via SMS instead of here?”

“So this was what you wanted to say?” She replied.

“Do you mind?” I was scared.

“Buddhu! :P” came her answer.

Guys have a theory that if a girl calls you Buddhu, stupid, silly, etc. it is a positive sign. I was smug inside.

“Here is my number. Text me.” she continued.

I rushed towards my cell phone and checked my balance. I had only two rupees left which I had been using to ‘miss-call” my friends. Without bothering more about the balance, I text messaged her, “Hey! Jatin here. ;)”

That marked the end of the ‘yahoo chatting’ for us and we moved on to chatting day in and day out via sms. We used to exchange 100 to 200 or even more text messages a day. It had raised my mobile expenses by three times which consequently increased my dad’s comments also by three times.

                                                                     *****

July melted into August without any change in our chatting routine. It was like I just could not get enough of her.

“Pehla Nasha, Pehla Khumaar... Naya pyaar hai, naya intezaar...”

This old Aamir Khan number seemed in tune with the state of my heart and my cell phone and I were always humming it.

Anuj, my next- door neighbor who was also fortunately my best friend and unfortunately a topper in my class, came to my house. He found me lying on my bed, singing that song and staring into space.

“Hey! Kya baat hai? You seem so happy!” he said smacking my arm.

“Have you ever fallen in love?” I questioned him.

“Mere baap ko jaanta nahi hai tu? He’d kill me.” He replied sitting down.

I laughed out loud.

“Anyway,” he began, “Are you free?”

“Yeah, but why?”

“My dad has gone out of town for two days and I get to use his bike. So let’s go for a drink.”

“Paise nahi hai yaar” I grimaced.

“Koi na. Dad gave me 200 rupees. We’ll settle it later on. Let’s go for now.,” he said pulling me off the bed.

We were at Canteen. Canteen was an inconspicuous place for drinking. It was a busy place during the day and virtually empty at night. People hardly came there after 6 pm.

We settled on our favorite benches with a couple of bottles and snacks.

“Wah! Life ho to aisi.” Anuj cheered.

We took a swig from our bottles while chattering about inconsequential things.

The conversation steered to the topic of girls. “So, Anuj...” I began. “Hmm?” he mumbled while drinking.

“Have you ever loved someone?” I asked.

“Kya baat hai? Aaj baar baar yehi pooch raha hai?” He winked at me.

I blushed.

“Oye hoye!” he teased, “Now tell me what’s up with you.”

“Actually... For the last two months, I have been talking to a girl from Delhi named Kiran Sahni.” I told him.

He whistled.

“And, I think I am in love with her.” I blushed again.

The empty beer bottle fell from his hands, “Are you serious?”

“Yes... I mean…I do like her a lot.” I admitted.

“K-k-k-Kiran!” he mimicked SRK from the movie Darr and burst out laughing.

“Cut it out, Anuj!” I said embarrassed.

He continued laughing but something in my expression made him shut up.

“So have you ever seen her?” he asked solemnly.

“Yes, she had shown me her photo recently.”

“What does Bhabhi look like?”

Guys have another theory: if any of their guy friend has a crush or something of that sort, she automatically becomes their Bhabhi.

“She’s beautiful,” I began, “She has long, black, shiny hair... big brown eyes and coral lips... She’s making me crazy, Anuj.” I blurted out.

He guffawed.

“What?” I asked angrily.

“And, how do you think she feels about you?” he asked smirking. “I guess she likes me too.”

“Then I can assume she has not seen YOUR photo.” he said laughing like mad while I frowned.

                                                                      *****

One sultry August night at the dinner table, my dad mentioned that he was planning to go to New Delhi soon for some work. My heart started beating in the top gear. It would be a good chance for me to go to Delhi and meet Kiran. I better not let this opportunity slip away.

“Dad, I think I should go to Delhi and buy the material that you need.” I suggested.

“Why?” he asked, suspicious.

“Dad, you know how all this traveling aggravates your backache.” I replied seriously.

“Don’t you have your school and coaching classes?” He said with a raised eyebrow.

“Don’t worry, dad, I will manage.” I said confidently.

“Bhaiya seems too excited to go to Delhi...” Dheeraj wondered out loud and I glared at him.

“I’ve to become responsible sooner or later, Dheeraj.” I said calmly.

Mom and dad exchanged confused glances.

“Okay! You can go. But make sure you buy the right stuff.” Dad finally gave in. “Thanks, dad.” I grinned.

So I was destined to reach on 26th morning. I had convinced Anuj’s mother to let him accompany me. I had informed Kiran about my arrival. She had told me that she wouldn’t be able meet me on the 26th but that we could meet on the 27th at Connaught Place. Anuj told me that his cousin and cousin’s girlfriend would also be there to meet us. I did not object but I was apprehensive lest it should spoil my first date.

                                                                           *****

27th August 2006:

The day when I could meet Kiran finally dawned. I had not been able to sleep much and when I woke up, it was only at 6 am. I had spent most part of the night thinking about her. I got up and stared outside through the window but I did not see anything because my mind was somewhere else. The time seemed to be moving slowly, like it wanted to vex me. I got ready and woke up Anuj as well. We left at 9:45 am and I informed Kiran as we left so that she would reach on time.

We reached at 10:45 am.

Fifteen minutes more, Jatin. I said to myself.

Those 15 minutes were the longest, the toughest of my life. My heartbeat was like the Sensex- some times high, some times low. I was looking at each and every girl in the area, wondering if she could be Kiran. I had lied to Anuj when I had said that she had shown me her photo. I admitted the truth with five minutes to go.

He let out a whistle, “You are unbelievable!” he exclaimed.

I shrugged and he smiled so I knew I was forgiven for it.

My phone beeped notifying me that I had received a text message. It was from Kiran intimating that she would be late by 15 to 20 minutes. That miffed me.

“Here I am, dying waiting for her and she is gonna be late.” I frowned.

But then, the thought of meeting her was making me dizzy with excitement.

It was all so inexplicable. My phone beeped again and I nearly had a heart attack when I read the message.

“Where are you?” it read.

I messaged her back, explaining where I exactly I was and what I was wearing so that she could recognize me..

“Okay. Reaching there in 2 minutes.” came her reply.

Anuj and I were looking at each other. I was tongue-tied but my face said everything- the apprehension, the enthusiasm, the fear, the hope. I had even bought fresh roses for her as suggested by Anuj.

“Jatin?” I heard a melodious voice from the back.

I turned around and saw a girl, a bit different from my fantasy- long, shiny but brown hair and big but black eyes.

She was gorgeous. My heart skipped a beat.

“I’m Kiran. Your Yahoo friend, Kiran.” she said extending her right hand.

I shook it, smiling at her, “Glad to finally meet you.”

She smiled, giggled, snickered and then began laughing.

I was perplexed.

A guy with muscular build who had been standing a few feet away walked up to us and stood next to me, snickering.

I looked at Anuj who hi-fived that new guy.

“Mission accomplished, Nitesh.”

They all joined in the laughter while I stood watching their smug faces feeling angrier by the second.

“What the hell is going on, Anuj?” I frowned.

“Let me explain. Long story short, we made a Bakra of you.” Kiran laughed. “What do you mean?” I questioned, shattering inside.

“I’m not Kiran. My name is Tanya and I’m Nitesh’s girlfriend. You know Nitesh, right?” She laughed again.

Nitesh was Anuj’s Delhi-based cousin, but I had never seen him before, obviously.

They elaborated everything including how they had been fooling me since ages. It was a prank conceptualized by Anuj, which was supposed to run for a week or so. But as they started enjoying it, they decided to extend it for a while.

I felt cheated and hurt but I did not say anything. I decided to take it good-naturedly and smiled at them.

We all had coffee together where they laughed some more at me among other things.

They apologized as well and Anuj questioned me again and again to make sure they had not seriously hurt me. I assured them that I was fine and over the next few hours we became best friends...

Next month, I would be going to Delhi to attend Nitesh’s wedding and there, I’ll meet Kiran, I mean Tanya. ;)

                                                                *****

From a brother :)

A day when I woke up,

I saw she was not around

I asked everyone

Where is she?

Everyone replied same

An excuse very lame…

Mom said, “She has gone to her home.

I quarrelled “But what about the life-long love she had formed?”

I asked “Her home? What was that?”

Mom said, “Where she will live for her entire life”

And then I remember
how she used to pluck my hair

And tease me because she was fair

And how she shadowed my flaws

And then after every fight, she made her separate rows.

After a minute, she used to come again

Finding an excuse to give me extra pain.

How she helped me with my schoolwork

And after every mistake she rated me as a jerk.

When she got to know anything about me,

She had a reason to exploit me

But when she used to see me sad,

Wanted to know the reason like mad

No answer from me was her extreme pain

She always suggested me “Sorrows! You must refrain”

Her planning to screw me

No wonder, when she was home, Happy were we.
And then, after a thought I said,
“Yes! She has gone to her home”.

That day, I realized

Sister is a god-gift packed with happiness inside.

I miss her at every second and tone

And my love for her can never be torn.

Love You

Your brother. :)