Who is Amit?

It was a foggy early morning when I reached the Lajpat Nagar bus stop to catch the 7 am bus to my office. My working hours began from 8 am. This was the first stop from where the bus picked up everyone. Till South-Ex, the bus was virtually vacant, with only three or four passengers.

Stuti, my colleague and my friend, used to travel with me. Stuti and I had been working together for the past 2 years. I was in love with her but I did not have the courage to tell her how I felt. While leaving home that morning, I had decided to talk to her about it. I hadn’t slept the whole night planning, canceling and planning again how I would go about it. 

I looked at my watch, there was hardly any time left for the bus to leave and there was still no sign of Stuti. She was never late. I was cursing my fate under my breath. And then, she came. I thanked God in the next breath. That day, she was wearing a black dress with little red flowers on the hemline.

“Hey, Sumit!” she smiled, settling in the vacant seat next to me.

The bus started with a jolt and the engine groaned as the driver shifted the gears.
We both laughed.
This was so easy, being friends.

“Hey!” I grinned at her.

“Flowers?” she exclaimed touching the bunch in my hands, “For whom?” she enquired.
“For you,” I said hesitatingly and offered them to her.
“For me? What’s so special today?” she asked.

Girls try to fool boys by asking rhetorical questions but pretending that those are actual questions to which they want an answer.

“A poor little boy was selling them at a traffic signal that I crossed. I was moved and bought them.” I laughed at my own silly joke.
“Oh! Samaaj sevaa mein lage ho aajkal?” she giggled.

“Very funny.” I rolled my eyes.

“Okay, now tell me. Why have you got flowers for me?” she demanded solemnly.

“Er... um...” I stalled, while she looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

I turned my face and looked outside. Everything was so calm, so serene.
Everything, except my mind. Thousands of thoughts ran uncontrollably. How would she react? What if she says no? What would be the name of our kids if she said yes? What if stops talking to me altogether?I shuddered at the last thought.

“Are you alright? Are you cold?” she questioned, concerned, “Why don’t you just close the damned window?” she grumbled and fidgeted with the old glass, puffing and sliding it with all her strength.
Her sudden proximity sent me into a frenzy. My mind and my heart shut down. I closed my eyes, taking in the sweet fragrance of her hair.

“Helloooooo!” Stuti said in a sing-song voice and I came back to my senses.
“Something wrong?” she asked again.

“Uh, no...” I tried to get a grip on myself.

“So, um, you were supposed to tell me something.” she said authoritatively.
“Uh, yeah... I was saying that, er, it’s been long that we’ve been together, er, sorry, I mean working together.” I started blabbering. I had always sucked at expressing feelings.
“Hmm... It’s been two years, two years and four months and well, seventeen days to be precise.” she continued in the same vein, probably to humor me, but the fact that she knew the precise duration astonished me.

I wondered if she had some feelings for me. Somehow, I felt encouraged.

“Listen, I do not want to hurt you, I do not want you to, you know, take this the wrong way. Do not misunderstand me but, I’ve been thinking about you a lot, lately.” I said, the words all rushed. She probably did not understand a word.

She stared at me for a few seconds, possibly comprehending my retarded reply.
“Even I think about you, you are my best friend.” She said simply and smiled as though that had settled everything.

“Er, I did not mean it that way.” I began.
“Oh?” she said, her perfect lips in the shape of an ‘O’.

“I mean,” I took a deep breath, “I mean, I am in love with you, Stuti.”

“Oh.” she said again, but the tone was changed and her forehead wrinkled as she went into her thinking mode.

 My heart sank. She did not speak for a few minutes and I did not dare to open my mouth. I chanced furtive glances at her but there was no change in her expression.

There you go. You’ve done permanent damage. She is not going to talk to you ever again. My inner voice said angrily.

“Listen, Sumit,” she started after a killing silence of four minutes, “I don’t know how or why I did not tell you but, the thing is, I got engaged.”
“Oh.” was all what I too could manage.

She was quiet then. I knew she must’ve heard the disappointment in my ‘oh’. She was good at observing such things. I could not bear the silence.

“Er, engaged to whom?” I asked.
“Amit.” She informed.
“Alright. No problem.” I said giving her a small smile.

“No problem? Are you sure?” she asked, apprehensive.
“Positive.” I smiled some more to make her feel better.

She then went on to give me details, but I wasn’t listening any longer. I was out of her life. Actually, I had never been in her life, not the way she was in mine, at least. The future that I had dreamt was shattered.

“And, I am not gonna listen to any excuses, okay?” she smiled.

I looked at her, utterly perplexed. I had not paid even the slightest attention and I did not have the faintest idea what she was saying or even why she was saying whatever she was saying.

“Sorry, what did you just say?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes.

“I said it’s my wedding next month and you’ve to be there. You are the first person I am inviting.” she gave a brilliant smile.

“Sure, yeh bhi koi kehne ki baat hai?” I said to pacify her.

I gave her one last fake smile put my head against the window pane and closed my eyes.

“Hey, Sumit?” I heard her call out again after a few moments.
“Hmm?”

But she did not speak. Instead, she was shaking me by my shoulders.
My eyes flew open. “Wha-!?” I looked around, confused.

Stuti was the one who had been shaking me.

“But who is Amit?” I demanded in a croaky voice.

She was smiling, like always.
“Sorry?” she asked.

It was then I noticed that she was wearing a BEIGE dress and that the flowers were still in my hand. I had slept waiting for her.

“You had dozed off, Sumit.” she giggled.
I smiled and then laughed, more out of relief than embarrassment.